Survivor and remission.

I have been wondering when I can start counting myself as a survivor? What date will mark my "1 year survivor, 2 year...etc"?

I have seen myself as a survivor the entire time. Giving up was no option. There was no debate. So I am a survivor right now.

However, remission begins on the first day after my last treatment. So not yet. That will be the day that I will mark as my "remission day".

Any thoughts?

~H

It is just radiation...

So it is the second week of radiation and I am exhausted.

The doctors say it is fatigue and begins normally about 3 or so weeks after treatment starts, but I am exhausted and I have this cough-the cold weather they say.

I am exhausted of going there every day!

I am exhausted of Doctors telling me that my exhaustion, pains, coughs...(fill in any ailment you like) has nothing to do with the treatment I am receiving!

I am exhausted from being sick!

I am exhausted fromworrying!

I am exhausted from looking into the mirror and seeing sickness!

I am exhausted from it all!

I will continue with treatment and finish it, but I just felt like complaining because when anybody asks me how I am doing I say "Fine! It is JUST radiation! Chemo is a lot worse!". While that is true, chemotherapy is worse, there is no "just" about radiation. It is difficult. It is hard. And I struggle. But this is the only place that I will admit it. Why? Because I don't like to show it when I am weak...

~Lot of love on this cold autumn day! H.

Friends!

You can learn a lesson in just about any moment of your life. My illness has taught me a lot of things. One of the things that I learned is that there were/are people in my life that I considered good friends that have proven to be quite the opposite.

I am not angry at them, and I am not bitter. No! I am sad. Actually I don't know how many times M. has had to hear me cry about it. I have never been somebody to make friends easily. Aquaintances yes, friends no. For me to call somebody a friend, I have to trust; trust that they will be there if I really need them. Well these particular people have not even been able to call me once or send a text message. Nothing. I am sorry, if your life is so busy. And I am sad to lose another friend!