The Good The Bad The Ugly

The Good days are:

When I can feel hopeful.
When I know I will beat this.
When I put a smile on my face no matter how many people turn their heads at my hairless head.
When I smell the forrest, a flower, food or something and think "how wonderful".
When I can go for a walk.
When I feel like talking.
When I enjoy reading.
When I feel inspired.

The Bad days are:

When I feel sad and worried.
When I cannot enjoy food.
When I feel tired.
When my energy is low.
When I have hot flashes.
When I smell somebody's perfume and it makes me gag.
When peoples looks hurt me.
When questions get on my nerves.

The Ugly days are:

When I have not the least bit of energy, strength, courage, or will to continue this fight.
When that silent feeling of panic cannot be controled and gets louder by the second.
When I wake up after a night of tossing and turning and am not so sure on how I am going to make it through another day of this.
When every day is only just one day closer to the next Chemo day.
When I want to scream, cry, and yell but don't even have the energy for that.

I am not one for pitty and I am not asking for it now either. The reason for me letting you know that I have bad days and worse days is simply that I am sorry for the way I act on those days.
I have been told how great it is that I am positive a million times over, but sometimes I too, am scared...fear is not a feeling I am very comfortable with, and it is in those moments of fear that I feel completely unable to come and ask for help. So please, please, please forgive me when I come across as rude!

Most days are good days for me, and I want to continue that way. I want to be that girl that smiles eventhough she has breast cancer. I want to feel inspired every single second that I go through this.

A lot of the very lovely ladies I have met at the day clinic where I get my Chemotherapy are not as fortunate as me, don't feel very well physically, lack the wonderful support that I have, feel lonely, and feel their spirits crushed. It is for those women that I put on a smile every time I walk in there, turn over to them and say "what a wonderful day, huh...today we are one day closer to being healthy!"

So, in the spirit of this, let us all have a wonderful day and let's help somebody smile and let us feel very inspired!