I am a changed person.

Yes, I know it sounds cheesy, but reality is that I will never be the same person I was 9 months ago before I was told I have breast cancer. The illness, the treatment, this entire experience has changed me and there is no going back.

The "big part" of radiation is officially over, I have 7 more "boosts" and then treatment is coming to an end. I should be happy and excited right? I am not. I am scared. Terrified. My insomnia has gotten worse, my fears and anxieties bigger than ever. The "what ifs" are louder and more frequent ever...

"What if it comes back?"

"What if I cannot work anymore?"

"What if the Doctors missed something?"

"What if the pain does not go away?"

"What if I cannot handle life anymore?"

"What if the scar does not get better?"

"What if, what if, what if....?"

I will never be the same person....